Witty Dialogue in Double Indemnity

Besides drafting a one page treatment for my new play, (which I realised is an ugly new-born baby) I’ve spent my spare time this week catching up on a few films. Firstly, Kiki’s Delivery Service from Studio Ghibli, a wonderfully uplifting story of a young witch coming of age when she trains away from home for a year to develop her powers. I highly recommend it. I also watched  Double Indemnity for the first time, and was really impressed with how the characters set up the story with only a few lines directly stating their intentions, creating dialogue with depth and intrigue. In this post I look at DI (okay yes a highly looked at film) but also talk about my experience of writing dialogue and how I’ve tried to improve it.

Alexander Mackendrick’s great film, the Sweet Smell of Success, is another example of great dialogue, and in his book, On Film-Making, Mackendrick says that dialogue works best when the emphasis isn’t on the words but the ‘real intentions and motivations of the characters.’ In this way, it might be better for a character to talk around what they want or mean to say, encouraging the audience to dig beneath the surface. 

The following extract is from the beginning of DI on the second visit that protagonist, Walter Neff, an avid insurance salesman, makes to client Phyllis Dietrichson, who is enquiring about accident insurance for her husband, but her dialogue creates the feeling that she's really talking about something else.

NEFF
Wait a minute. Why shouldn't he know?

PHYLLIS
Because I know he doesn't want accident insurance. He's superstitious about it.

NEFF
A lot of people are. Funny, isn't it?

And then a few lines later…

NEFF
Of course, it doesn't have to be a crown block. It can be a car backing over him, or he can fall out of an upstairs window. Any little thing like that, as long as it's a morgue job.

PHYLLIS
Are you crazy?

NEFF
Not that crazy. Goodbye, Mrs. Dietrichson.

PHYLLIS
What's the matter?

NEFF
Look, baby, you can't get away with it.

PHYLLIS
Get away with what?

NEFF
You want to knock him off, don't you, baby.

The dialogue is bouncy and witty mainly because we can tell something else is going on, and then we get that line at the end which acts as a dramatic full stop, a direct line to make her intentions crystal clear. Phyllis then visits Neff at his apartment to return his hat.

NEFF
How were you going to do it?

PHYLLIS
Do what?

NEFF
Kill him.

PHYLLIS
Walter, for the last time –

 “You want to knock him off,” and “Kill him,” are the only direct references in the entire set-up of the film. This scene is great because instead of saying, “you know how hard it’ll be,” he just reels off past examples where people have failed to fake a claim. She says how hard it is for her in her relationship, whilst still denying her intentions, and then finally, Neff, whose dialogue and voice-over has implied his desire for her, agrees to help.

NEFF
-- you're not going to hang, baby. Not ever. Because you're going to do it the smart way. Because I'm going to help you.

I can’t claim to have written anything nearly as exciting as that, but here’s an example of a line that came out very on the nose at first and had to be tweaked. It’s set in a diner where the protagonist, Steve, stops whilst on his way to a Native Indian Reservation, where he will discover lots of things he didn’t know about his recently deceased ex-wife, Justine. In this scene, he finds she became a great painter, and I thought it’d be cool to have someone make it clear these were painted by Justine and imply a few things about who she had become. 

WAITRESS
Yeah, by a real famous local artist. A saint of a woman. Sad story though. She died recently.

And later changed to…

WAITRESS
Yeah, Hounslow’s. We love ‘em. I saw her in Santa Fe. She’s a hippy volunteer type, but lovely though.

The first example was on the nose, as it heavily states, yes, we’re talking about your ex-wife who recently died, duh. The second is a bit more natural. It implies Santa Fe, a very arty place, and how wonderful (and different to Steve’s expectations) that Justine is.

It’s Justine, dead, but still looking beautiful. Steve studies her and notices a braid in her hair, turquoise earrings and a necklace, and native markings on her skin. Lisa takes Steve’s hand and squeezes.

Steve just stares at Justine’s body.

STEVE
She looks so...

LISA
Peaceful.

STEVE
Yeah. She looks peaceful.

That’s probably one of my favourite lines. I think it reveals Steve’s true reaction without actually saying it, though because of what we know about Steve, we understand what’s really going on.

Witty dialogue isn’t just people saying cool stuff all the time, like when Neff flirts with Phyllis (although this again is a fantastic example of talking around what you truly mean).

PHYLLIS
There's a speed limit in this state, Mr. Neff. Forty-Five miles an hour.

NEFF
How fast was I going, officer?

PHYLLIS
I'd say about ninety.

What it seems more about is having characters a little more indirect (remembering they are their own people, not just a device to get across the story), perhaps saying the opposite of what they truly mean whilst implying what they think. Mrs Dietrichson being concerned about her husband having accident insurance whilst her questions state otherwise, or Steve look like he’s about to say one thing, but says another. Doing this might draw an audience in by making them have to dig a little deeper beneath the surface, and it certainly does make for a more entertaining film.

Can you think of any more examples of films with witty dialogue, perhaps less well known ones than this? If you can (or disagree with my ranting), tell me in the comments section.

Read Double Indemnity script here

Check out Mackendrick's book, On Film-Making, here

Read the Sweet Smell of Success script here