How to Cure Procrastination and Start an Artistic Project - The Artist’s Way, Check In – Week 9

Laziness. You might feel it as a painter who puts off buying a new canvas and starting a project, or a writer with a great idea that never makes the paper. Thanks to Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, I’ve come to re-word laziness as the fear to start, no longer damning procrastination or beating myself up when I can’t face the page, but instead recognising my hurts and healing them with compassion. 

We might sometimes flog ourselves when we don’t write in a disciplined way, as we assume other great artists do. “Look at them go, they’re so disciplined, and here I am, making my fourth cup of tea.” As much as Cameron doesn’t slate discipline, and does mention we might still rise early to create, she talks about an even greater asset; enthusiasm. As a guitarist, I remember jumping out of bed at university with a song in my head. Two hours later, I hadn’t showered, and even when I did, played for half an hour in my towel. Discipline bought out of enthusiasm is a loving, creative exercise. We create because we must! We can’t expect it every day and shouldn’t be hard on ourselves when we're not. We’re not slaving machines. It’s okay to not be so disciplined.

That is, unless we’re so paralysed by fear that we don’t start at all. 

Since those towel guitaring uni days, I’ve stopped playing. This week’s exercise had me think about why. Firstly, I entered a competition for the second year running, and got the same score, despite practising hard. I read the winner’s comments on how this was their first entry, how they didn’t prepare, and must have a natural talent. These caused hurts, but not enough to quit. I played open mic nights in Norwich, and people hated it, at least I felt. I was actually invited to come to a new musicians group, but did I? No. I harboured my failings and started giving up. I guess I was also afraid of success. What happens if this group like me? Will I have the time? I joined a band, and that fell through. It seemed all my efforts were in vain, and it was easier to quit.

Cameron calls this process, where an artist stops in their tracks after failure (and success), a Creative U-turn. It’s fear, and can cause an artist to procrastinate, call themselves lazy, and give up entirely.

Oddly enough, I can feel lazy when I do write. If laziness is fear, writing makes me afraid. I often write feeling I should do something more productive, perhaps something that pays. I’m afraid writing will cause me to starve and should buck up my ideas and start a more serious living. I also fear my writing sucks and should leave it to the pros. This was a huge revelation for me, and I’ve started to heal through affirmation, telling myself writing will support me both financially and emotionally and bring me joy if I continue, and allowed myself to do so.

We need to be compassionate to cure procrastination and start an artistic project, which means embracing our paralysing hurts, being understanding of the creative child within, and encouraging it through love and understanding. I think it’s also about allowing our artist child to be a little silly. I visualised myself at a Q+A of a film I’d written, and made a cut and stick of me at the Oscars with an award. It was a silly but fun task, just the sort of thing my artist child needed. I vow to tread softly, and look forwarding to learning about self-protection in next week’s tenth week of the Artist’s Way.

Do Little, Achieve Much; The Artist's Way, Check-in - Week 8

After a weekend away, anxiety and guilt had me geared up to write a stream of pages, when disaster struck; I fell ill. I panicked about time and fell into desperation. Thankfully, this week of the Artist’s Way was about re-working our perceptions of time to regain a sense of strength, realising how much we can achieve through baby-steps towards our goals.

I became empowered after the previous week when I discovered many opportunities to further my career, until I realised I wasn’t doing those things, and spent hours clogging my head with jobs, freelancing work and competitions, forgetting my main goal of the week; to write my pages.

That’s where the exercises came in. Julia Cameron talks of filling the form, which in essence means taking small steps to reach your goals. One exercise had me state my true goal for different projects. As a songwriter, the goal was to have an audience enjoy a performance, and as I worked back from the big goal in five years, to join a local band, the steps got smaller, open mic in three years, record songs in a year, write songs in a month, play each week, eventually reaching today; buy new strings. 

It’s about realising we don’t need to act big to get things done. I often feel I must write in order to quantify myself as a writer. I must find opportunities and I must excel and be at the top of my game, but all of this is a distraction to actual writing. 

Why do I feel this way? 

I’ve not had a commission. I’ve not had a creative job in a long time, and failing as an artist is not an option. I don’t want to be a fool or fail parental figures. The hurts I’ve built up over the years force me to dwell on what I don’t have and waste time and energy contemplating them. 

But what do I have right now? When I think this way, I realise I’ve almost finished my first screenplay, so right now, I can finish it, and tick it off the list. I’m writing a lot of blog posts at the moment, so I can keep on doing those. I may not yet have paid work as a writer, but if I keep moving forward with projects regardless, I might just find some paid work in a few years’ time. This is empowering, taking stock of what I have, celebrating it, and using it to reach new heights, eventually.

The difference between how I felt at the start of the week and how I feel now is a subtle one, but it’s about realising how much we can do to better ourselves, but not worrying about it or thinking big, but thinking what we can do now to get there soon.

I got my power back by taking life a day at a time and accepting the time I had. I reduced my task list and eliminated the distractions of job hunting and everything else to get my pages done. By filling the form, I found time to submit an entry for a workshop I previously didn’t think I had the time to do.

Filling the form gets us active and moving, and helps us do what we enjoy. I’ve not written a poem in a while out of fear and the thought I should enter competitions. If I just get on with it, and write some poems, an activity I enjoy, I’ll not only end up with a poem, but a sense of bliss. That’s what it was like when I took my artist date, which I almost missed due to my anxiety. As I finished my walk, one I’ve wanted to do for a while in a new town, I felt like myself again. I can’t really explain it, but it was a mixture of joy, excitement and peace.

I think it’s all about acceptance of our situation and our needs; we can only do so much in a day. It’s also about thinking small, that by doing very little we can achieve so much. I can become a poet with a few daily words, a musician with a few minutes practice, and a writer with a few pages. When anxiety hits, I trust I'll eventually reach my goals if I just get on with it, one baby-step at a time. 

Following on from last week, I said I’d get back into poetry, and so as promised, is my first entry, Silly Poem, to reflect my approach of fun. It's only a stanza, a small poem, for a small step.

Silly Poem

A little ditty, a poem of fun
To free the child within
And cure the pain of work not done
For boredom is a sin

Jealousy; Negative Trait or Useful Guide? The Artist's Way, Check In - Week 7

This week of my journey along the Artist's Way focused upon cherishing ourselves by doing things we enjoy, but also asked a more difficult question; can jealousy be useful, and if so, how? I realised how many interests I'd left unexplored and my need for balance between achieving my goals and nurturing myself.

Julia Cameron includes many tools throughout the journey, but one very useful tool came up this week; the jealousy map. It's a list of people who make you jealous, what of, and what steps we can take to diffuse the jealousy. In this sense, jealousy can lead to interests, activities, hobbies, careers, and lifestyles we might enjoy, but for some reason have found a reason not to do. 

When I saw a friend had added her credit with the mountain rangers on her LinkedIn profile, I was hit by a surge of jealousy. I was glad for my friend's success, but felt I was missing out. I wrote down my feeling and instantly knew what was going on. A few weeks ago I'd considered joining the UK Charity, Ramblers, but I still hadn't. I'd put it off, and told myself I'd put my name down when I had less to do (whenever that would be). To cure my jealousy, I put my name down for the Ramblers and requested to join a local walking group, countering my negative reaction with a positive action.

I've put off Tai Chi, going to the theatre, baking, doing so few things I enjoy that I'm hardly ever me. Why? Anxiety, pressure. I'm heading towards the final deadline for my masters and I'm trying to write shorts, apply for jobs, ready, study, and once in a while, live a little for me. Not that I don't enjoy writing, but after being stuck in doors at my screen all day, I do tend to find my brain a little scrambled and crave a chance to get out and be me in all the other ways that my soul desires.

As much as allowing time, it's about taking risks. Not writing for an afternoon is a risk. I could miss a deadline for a competition or a great job. There are other risks too. What if I drive all the way to the martial arts centre and I don't like anyone? What if I go to the theatre alone and people look at me funny? I liberated myself with a trip alone to the cinema this week, the first step on my mission to act in the face of my fears, and embrace the things I love.

Cameron also talks about the fear of failure. I think the perfectionist within has stopped me writing poetry. This inner critique dates back a few summers where I'd spent it practising poetry and feeling quite good about it, so good that I entered a poem into a competition, heard nothing back, and didn't write for a while after. I may not be the best poet in the world after a summer, but I still won't allow myself to try, which is something I should fix, perhaps with weekly poems (watch this space!).

It's important to cherish ourselves by doing the things we enjoy, and doing them often, but I also think it's about slowing down and taking stock of what we have, and how we feel. One activity had me stand in a sacred space. This could be anywhere; a shop, museum, gallery, or for me, a grove of trees on my latest walk. I spent a few minutes being still and found the space filled me with energy. I think it's important to step back a while each day to just be you, as I often find I can loose sight of the world around me after a day of writing. This task helped me re-connect and find a sense of peace.

The hardest task of the week was making a collage of images to represent my past, present, and future, my dreams, and images I like. I found it hard to motivate myself as I've never really been cut and stick fan, but I loved it once I got started. I only had five out of ten magazines as we tend to read everything online at home (a sign of the times) but I found plenty of images. One magazine was from my old university which worked nicely for the past, and I included lots of images of hikers and places I'd like to travel to. It's now sitting proudly on my shelf as a testament to all things me.

I think, for me, a balance is needed between the time I put in to achieve my goals and connect with my true-self, even if it's work I enjoy, like writing. This comes back to my earlier post on creative workaholics, but now I can add the importance of nurturing ourselves by doing the 'me things' that make us happy. I think this could not only help us become happier in ourselves, but more active, creative, and ultimately, stronger, which is good, as next week is all about gaining a sense of strength.

As a little extra, listen to Scriptnotes Podcast episode #78 for an interesting discussion on jealousy and envy.

Berberian Sound Studio; Review

It was strange to be thrilled and puzzled at the same time, yet that's how I felt at the end of Peter Strickland's Berberian Sound Studio, a bizarre film about a timid sound engineer in the depths of an Italian Horror Film Studio.

It bugged me so much that I had to post a review.

In the end, I think I liked it.

Money; How Much Do We Need to Be Happy? The Artist's Way, Check In - Week 6

This week’s journey along the Artist’s Way explored how we think about money, how we can encourage it to flow freely into our lives by doing that which we enjoy, and how we can embrace family, friends, experiences, and all that makes us happy to regain a true sense of abundance.

I started the week in the wake of major life changes, and feelings of anxiety and loss. I’d arranged a six week unpaid holiday from work to focus on writing and ended a long-term relationship, which although both were my choice, had changed the world significantly around me.

The exercises helped me embrace the small things in life. I remembered Cameron spoke of the joy of owning things uniquely yours, and that you don’t have to spend a lot of money to be happy, and spent two pounds on a cup and saucer from a charity shop, which made a pot of tea taste even better.

I treated myself to a DVD box-set when I realised I had a ton of films I wanted to watch, which although a little extravagant, filled me with joy when it came through the post.

It wasn’t just about spending money. One of the exercises had me collect rocks and leaves from the garden, some of which I put on my desk to remind me of my creative path. Saying yes to freebies was another great task. Too many times I’ve been offered a coffee and let it go cold as I won’t give myself two seconds to drink it. I started to say yes to simple pleasures, enjoying a glass of lemonade, a piece of cake, or even a two second sit down, and found myself feeling happier. 

Experiences can be a great way of feeling abundant. I cooked exciting meals to practise a hobby and enjoy comfort food. Friends can also fill us with abundance, and I arranged to meet four of them during my time off. I ended the week realising how much I had in my life, and became grateful for every second.

Did I see any changes in money matters? Well, not much, but I did check my car insurance and it’s not too expensive this year, and forgot about tips at the hotel and had a lovely £55 surprise.

I mainly realised I hadn’t been treating myself, nor doing my artist dates very well. I’ve been on weekly walks for my blog, but never much else. I realised how hard it was to let myself go and have fun in the face of projects and deadlines, so this week I’ve already taken two artist dates, one a walk, and the other a trip to the cinema. I watched my favourite shows on Netflix, read more, and had a few meditations, which helped me relax.

I started this week feeling anxious, alone and too tired to write, but with a few extra luxuries, dates with my friends, and ideas for travel plans during my time off, I felt a sense of joy creeping in. I guess we don't need much money in order to be happy, but of course we do have to support ourselves. I think it's a leap of faith, of doing what you enjoy and trusting the universe will take care of you if you do, at least that's how I hope my experience goes as I take my six week break.

When Writing Meets Directing; How Listening to Your Characters Can Bring Your Scene Alive

A few weeks ago, I had my scene performed in front of an audience, which was an absolute blast, but the real joy came from seeing a director at work. She understood my characters better than me, and saw under the surface of every line, emphasizing juicy subtext to create a bouncy, witty opening. In this post I hope to give some thoughts on how writers can develop their characters to create more dramatic scenes.

We'd each been asked to write a new scene of a play as part of the Out of Joint Writer's Academy at Salisbury Playhouse. I normally spend months writing treatments and was totally unprepared to be writing scenes, but the deadline was fast approaching.

I was a little nervous when two weeks later I entered a room of actors and a director working on a fellows piece. I'd never worked with a  director before. I wasn't really sure what they did beside organising the actors and perhaps telling them how to say their lines. I dreaded it. My work was unready, but thankfully, the director could see its potential, and did so much more than I thought.

She summed up her thoughts and started to go through line by line with the actors, refering to me when a question came up. What was interesting to see, was the level of detail with which she worked. With every line, she asked, why are they saying that? What does that mean? What are the relationships to the other characters? Do they like each other, and how much? An interesting thing Max Stafford-Clark likes to do is show a card with a number, and that number is how much a character likes another character. It's not just like or dislike, there are levels.

With this in mind, a few interesting discoveries were made in my scene.

Firstly, I had a group of pals role-playing, two boys, Danny and Robb, and a tom-boy called Fran. The joke of the scene is that Fran wants to be the knight so forces Robb to wear the dress, and Robb, hiding in a make-believe tower, moans as he itches and scratches at the uncomfortable dress.

At which point, the director asked about a particular line, where one of the boys asks the other, "You all right mate?" In my mind, this was a genuine, are you okay? They're friends, of course they care about each other. The director looked past that. She looked deeper. These 'friends' are forcing this guy into a dress and have a go at him when he doesn't want to. Would Danny be concerned about Robb? Really? We changed a few actions, and had Danny pull Robb out the bush when his moaning puts them off their game, and say the line. Now it had subtext. It was the Beta animal telling the Omega, don't you mess up our game. You'll wear that dress and like it.

Now I hadn't picked up on that, so a lesson there. Ask yourself why is my character saying that line? Ask deeper. Why are my characters doing the things they are doing, and what does that say about them, and how can I use that  to show how they interact with others? Consider unseen hierarchies within groups of people, even friends. How can we play on those to make a scene more dramatic?

Second, when the group need money to buy a costume to enter a role-play event and discuss how they will afford them, Robb tells the group when asked, "I'll probably buy one." Again, the line I delivered was matter of fact. He told us what he was going to do. The director asked why he said the line, and we looked. Robb finally had a one up on Fran, the top dog. He was sticking it to her in a play for more power. Knowing this, Frans later snap comment to Robb was her putting Robb back in his place.

I was amazed at how much I'd missed, and it made me see every single line of dialogue should have a deeper function. How can we make this? How is this possible? I'm still not one hundred percent sure, but seeing as hierarchies helped this scene, I'm willing to say they could help most other scenes too.

The top-dog has power and wants to keep it. The runt has no power and wants to get some. With this running in the background of your scene (as long as it's relevant), you can create more conflict than previously possible, for now when characters debate how to fix a problem or how to overcome whatever conflict you invent, they can do so with an air of subtext. They can battle out for power.

Of course, you could create a number of things running in the background, it doesn't just have to be a power play. You could have scene where some characters know more than others, playing up to their friends lack of knowledge. A scene where one dislikes the other yet the other is far nicer, and play up a series of fake pleasantries. That's why I think it only works if it's relevant. I think Fran has a lesson to learn about being bossy, and needs to understand she can be an imaginative girl and have a job at the same time, and I think the power-play hierarchy will help show her character growth at the end.

That's about all I have to say how you can write a more dramatic scene. I will add that it was a lovely experience to have my scene performed. I was able to see which lines didn't work, and was able to see which scene directions got in the way of both director and actor, and thought about cutting some back. Even if you can't find a workshop like this, a group of friends around a table can help bring your scene alive too.