I became empowered after the previous week when I
discovered many opportunities to further my career, until I realised I wasn’t doing
those things, and spent hours clogging my head with jobs, freelancing work and
competitions, forgetting my main goal of the week; to write my pages.
That’s where the exercises came in. Julia Cameron talks of
filling the form, which in essence means taking small steps to reach your goals.
One exercise had me state my true goal for different projects. As a songwriter,
the goal was to have an audience enjoy a performance, and as I worked back from
the big goal in five years, to join a local band, the steps got smaller, open
mic in three years, record songs in a year, write songs in a month, play each
week, eventually reaching today; buy new strings.
It’s about realising we don’t need to act big to get
things done. I often feel I must write in order to quantify myself as a writer.
I must find opportunities and I must excel and be at the top of my game, but
all of this is a distraction to actual writing.
Why do I feel this way?
I’ve not had a commission. I’ve not had a creative job in
a long time, and failing as an artist is not an option. I don’t want to be a
fool or fail parental figures. The hurts I’ve built up over the years force me
to dwell on what I don’t have and waste time and energy contemplating them.
But what do I have right now? When I think this way, I
realise I’ve almost finished my first screenplay, so right now, I can
finish it, and tick it off the list. I’m writing a lot of blog posts at the
moment, so I can keep on doing those. I may not yet have paid work as a writer,
but if I keep moving forward with projects regardless, I might just find some
paid work in a few years’ time. This is empowering, taking stock of what I have,
celebrating it, and using it to reach new heights, eventually.
The difference between how I felt at the start of the
week and how I feel now is a subtle one, but it’s about realising how much we
can do to better ourselves, but not worrying about it or thinking big, but
thinking what we can do now to get there soon.
I got my power back by taking life a day at a time and
accepting the time I had. I reduced my task list and eliminated the
distractions of job hunting and everything else to get my pages done. By
filling the form, I found time to submit an entry
for a workshop I previously didn’t think I had the time to do.
Filling the form gets us active and moving, and helps us
do what we enjoy. I’ve not written a poem in a while out of fear and the
thought I should enter competitions. If I just get on with
it, and write some poems, an activity I enjoy, I’ll not only end up with a
poem, but a sense of bliss. That’s what it was like when I took my artist date,
which I almost missed due to my anxiety. As I finished my walk, one I’ve wanted
to do for a while in a new town, I felt like myself again. I can’t
really explain it, but it was a mixture of joy, excitement and peace.
I think it’s all about acceptance of our situation and
our needs; we can only do so much in a day. It’s also about thinking small,
that by doing very little we can achieve so much. I can become a poet with a
few daily words, a musician with a few minutes practice, and a writer with a
few pages. When anxiety hits, I trust I'll eventually reach my goals if I just get on with it, one baby-step at a time.
Following on from last week, I said I’d get back into
poetry, and so as promised, is my first entry, Silly Poem, to reflect my approach of fun. It's only a stanza, a small poem, for a small step.
Silly Poem
A little ditty, a poem of fun
To free the child within
And cure the pain of work not done
For boredom is a sin
Silly Poem
A little ditty, a poem of fun
To free the child within
And cure the pain of work not done
For boredom is a sin
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